Thursday, July 8, 2010

Tray Shopping in the South of France?

Photo Credit: how the Hell do I know, I'd knocked back a bottle of Pinot Grigio by the time I found this

Dear Diary,

July 8, 2010, 8:00 am

Tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep. No, it wasn't the vajazzling (though that is the last time I take beauty advice from a magazine with that white trash Brittney on the cover, and if there is a next time, I definitely won't use hot glue).

No, I'm trying to decide on vacation plans. God, I hate summer--that Angel baby brat is home all of the fucking time (except those brief 8 hours of peaceful bliss a day when he's at art camp--that reminds, me I need to have another little chat with him about his palette--if he wants his stupid drawing to be allowed on the fridge, especially in blog photos, I need tasteful neutrals, dammit--i've told him over and over again, "Mommy likes robin's egg blue, beige, a nice dark, but not too dark, taupe and a slight hint of pink----cultivating a taste for pink is so useful for doing the occasional "j'adore pink" post---if the brat insists on using primary colors, his stuff is hanging on the fridge in the garage--at least until I revamp that for a "Doesn't My SUV Deserve a Pretty Room, Too?" post) and because of this fucking humidity I have to stop and flat iron my hair before every "candid" outdoor living photo---that reminds me, I need to send a check to my photographer. If that stupid Boobear would just let me order the new Nikon I want-sure it's $600 dollars, but what's that really? a pair of toss pillows--I could take my own photos and stop using the Olan Mills moonlighter.

My real problem---where do we go for a vacay? Unfortunately, I need to take Boobear and Angel Baby--god, I remember the good ole days of single gal blogging when all I had to do was sucker the boyfriend du jour into taking my photo in hideously expensive clothing---note, need to change number to unlisted, so that fucking VISA will stop calling...and not have to worry about co-ordinating the outfits of three people and their surroundings---God, Anna Wintour, no one else knows how we suffer.

Back to the vacation plans? I need somewhere expensive enough to impress, but not so expensive that it alienates the "little people" readers, scenic, but neutral enough to go with my existing wardrobe--that asshat boobear says that I already have enough summer tunics and caftan coverups_---and I really need to go somewhere I can do some major tray shopping. I've run out of trays to artfully arrange with random clutter, and I'd like to get a start on the garage post---(wouldn't it be clever to arrange python trays with wrenches? or would wrenches do better with lucite?)--the south of France, maybe---I hear the French have great trays..


  1. Tiffany boxes (robin's-egg blue) are acceptable too.

    But if you mention them, you must always work in a reference to how much you j'adore "Breakfast at Tiffany's," and mention that when you lived in Manhattan (even if you didn't), your life was just like Holly Golightly's.

  2. If you go to France, please note that I have been to France first and have already posted photographs from my trip. Therefore, you are legally prohibited from also posting photographs of France, as it infringes on my uniqueness as an Artist and a Businesswoman.

    Off to meet with a new client! Letting my haters be my motivators! Bon Wednesday!