Thursday, July 8, 2010

Remembering the Birth of an Angel

Dear Diary,

Friday, July 9, 2010, 12:22 am

Holy Shit! Woke up in cold sweat. I've forgotten that the Angel Baby's birthday is coming up, August 1. True, I've still got a couple of weeks, but it's a lot of work. Party decor is lady blogging gold, and children's parties are platinum. I need to mine that shit. Only wedding decor makes a lady blogger wetter....Hmmm...maybe I need to renew vows...that should worth a couple of posts, and it'd be nice to pick out dress without having to worry whether that bitch mother of his can detect a baby bump.
Oh well, back to angel baby's b-day. I've got to have more Martha Stewart pom poms than P___ S____H___ did at her last party, and I don't care what Martha says, those things are a bitch to put together and I need to get to it. Maybe if her ass had to assemble them it instead of some petrified bridge and tunnel intern making minimum wage, it wouldn't be such a pain. Note: contact local community college interior design department to see if design intern available, non paid position of course-I'm only a part-time design professional

Why is it so hard to remember when the brat was born. It happened right as I replaced my Madeline Weinreib rug with custom cut seagrass (4" from wall). Boobear kept asking, "what's wrong with the rug? You kept hounding me to let you buy this rug. It cost a fortune and it's practically brand new." Jesus, like I should have to explain to him that I couldn't have a rug that Pottery Barn had knocked of. What if one of my readers thought that I had bought the knockoff. Dear Lord in Heaven, Lady Blah Blah with a catalogue rug (Except for Wisteria, of course. Wisteria cares the lady blogger seal of approval.)

All I can remember thinking on the the way to the hospital is "Why did it have to happen now? God knows I can't trust that asshat Boobear to watch the installers---and I want it 4" from the wall, not 3 3/4" or 4 1/8"." And of course, he had to rush to the hospital instead of supervising the installers, and now my custom cut seagrass is 3 5/8" from the fucking wall.


  1. If you had any integrity, you would go around on your hands and knees with a manicure scissors, taking off that atrocious 3/8th inch.

  2. Actually I recommend between 3 to 6 inches for custom cut seagrass. Am I vain because I hear myself here???? Hysterical

  3. "3 to 6 inches?" What else are you going to suggest--toilet lid cozies?

    Do not listen to that harlot.